Dead Like Me
by Aurora Angel
Summary: My name is Sam. Just out of Hogwarts with no job, no real future literally, but that all changes when I die. But that's only the beginning. Now I take souls for a living. And these are the days of my afterlife. New Ch.5
1. Just the Beginning

Hello people that read this, if any... Well, after a very long time I'm updating this fic. After reading my two L reviews, I changed some stuff, mostly in the second chapter. And very soon I'll be adding a new chapter, yeah! Well enjoy and review PLEEZE... byee

Narration is in Italics.

--- Emotions, gestures, etc.

Author's note: This Story I think is going to be PG-13 I guess. Just to be on the safe side, mostly for language.

**I CLEANED UP THE GRAMMATICAL AND TYPING ERRORS IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY FOR THE INCOVIENCE.**

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* * *

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_Dead Like Me_

_I'm going to tell you a story, not my story, that's later, this is just a story._

_Once upon a time, specifically at the dawn of time, god (lower case g) was getting busy with creation, as the kids these days are saying. He gave Toad a clay jar and said 'be careful with this, its got Death inside.' Pleased as punch and oblivious to the fact that he about to become god's fall guy on the whole death issue, Toad promised to guard the jar. But one day Toad met Frog. 'Let me hold the jar of death, or whatever you call it,' Frog begged. Toad just said no. But Frog was determined and after much whining, Toad finally gave in and said, 'You can hold the jar but only for a second.' Frog began to hop around in excitement and juggled the death jar from one foot to the other. Frog was an asshole. Toad cried out to stop, but it was too late, and it shattered to the ground, it broke open and Death got out. And ever since then all living thing have to die. Makes you wonder what the world would be like if Frog keep to hawking beer. So there you have it the mystery of death finally revealed. We all die, some sooner than later, but that just the beginning of my story._

_Well, this is me; 5 feet 6 inches in height, long straight brownish hair, brown eyes and a somewhat slender body. I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectations and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoid disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person, from what I can tell, either way you're screwed. _

_Bad people are punished by Societies' law and good people are, punished by Murphy's Law. _

_So you see my dilemma..._

_Well here is some background history on me, not that you want to know, but I guess it would explain a lot. For starters, I'm 18 years old and just out of school. I should be excited but I'm not. These should have been the best years of my life, and considering I didn't have very much longer to live, I guess they were. There is also another aspect of my life that I should be excided about, the fact that I'm a Witch, you know magic wands and stuff. Believe me, it's highly over rated. I come from a highly respected pure-blood wizarding family, my grandparents own this huge manor in the far off countryside, but my family lives in London. Well as I was saying, I'm just out of Hogwarts, (that's where I learn all the magic stuff), and have yet to find a direction in life. Well, if you don't consider the path to the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen a direction. _

_Basically I have not idea what to do now. For the last two years in school, I have been skating by in all my classes, not really don't give a shit, as I already told you. I barely got A's and E 's in everything, not the brightest candle on the birthday cake or the dimmest but somewhere in the obscure, invisible gray area in between. And I'd say that's good enough. So it brings me here in, waiting in a waiting room to speak to a carrier councilor, like I need any more professional help. _

_I remember years ago, well two to be exact, l sat in Professor Flitwick's office getting carries advice. Lot of help that gave me. Here we go again... _

"Samantha Glass?" I looked up. "Hi," she said with an extremely wide smile. "I'm Barbara Herbig, as in 'her big brown eyes' (she pointed to her eyes) come with me."

''Some O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s?" she said questioningly.

''Some seemed like enough."

"Let me see," she said looking at my file, "Ah, well, it seems you have experience in the retail business."

"Uh, huh," I Said clearly remembering helping at my mom's shop every school holiday.

"Do you ever wake up in the morning and realize you life is meaningless?" I heard her say.

"What," she said in a monotonic surprised tone.

"I said, are you are familiar with advanced curses and potions?"

''Oh, er, sure, sort of," I said, which wasn't a total lie, I mean I did take N.E.W.T.s DADA and Potions. The real question should me, 'Did I retain any knowledge from there?' which would be a big fat 'No'.

''Uh, let me ask you this question, what kind of job are you looking for?"

''I don't know, what's available?"

''Well, with your experience I'd say clerical, receptionist, something like that."

''I was told to ask about being a personal assistant."

''Well, you can ask," she said with a chuckle, "but to be perfectly honest with your limited experience and scores, your better off sticking to redundant duties. How do you feel about filing?"

''Never though about it," I said monotonically.

''Oh, well you really should, it's right up your alley," she said and again with the big cheesy smile.

''Whatever."

* * *

"How did it go today?" Dad said. 

"Fine, just fine," I answered.

"She's just bitter, because they told her she's not qualified to get a decent job," my mother said shaking her head and leaning over to my sister's plate to cut up her meat.

"Oh love, I'm sorry," dad said in a soothing tone.

"You want to know what I think..." _here we go_. Eye roll "You should have done more advanced classes this last year at Hogwarts, or at least have gotten more N.E.W.T.s. I mean come on Samantha, you use to be smart, it's like you gave up." I just pretended not to listen to her, like I also do, she repeats it often enough.

"I hate to say I told you so..."

"You love to say I told you so," I interrupted.

"Don't talk that way to your mother," he said to me. He continued, "You know it only aggravates her."

"Oh, thank you honey, that's _so_ helpful."

_So meet the family. Sarah, age 41, Hogwarts Alumnus 1976, has a antique furniture shop in Diagon Ally (antique to everyone else in the world, but quite in vogue with most witches and wizards today), enjoys long walks on the beach, curling up with a Witch Weekly magazine, and has a pathological fear of sponge cake and hates the word 'Moist', she thinks it's pornographic. _

_And there's Monty, age 43, Hogwarts Alumnus 1975, he works at Ministry of Magic, in the Muggle Relations/Affairs division, and from what I've heard is highly respected. He's having an affair with one of his interns. _

_And that's Em, she's ten. She's seems invisible and to me she might as well be. _

''This dinner is delicious"' I said picking at the mashed potatoes "and moist."

_I heard my mom's fork drop on her plate loudly but I didn't look up from my lovely meal though I could tell she was giving me the angry eye. _

_

* * *

When I was little, my mom told me that Santa Claus didn't exist; neither did the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or the Great Pumpkin. Even though she didn't say so specifically, I just assumed god didn't either, otherwise I'd probably be praying right now... _

_I'd pray for world peace, excreta, and maybe even for a little guidance. I mean do you know what its like to be on the verge of adulthood and not know who you are, what you want to be or if you want to be. Its ten shades of suck, that's what it is..._

"Get up, Get up," my mom was in my room opening the drapes causing the sunlight to temporarily blind me.

"Uh...mum," I groaned pulling the sheets over my head.

"The woman from the Ministry Employment desk called, she has a job for you."

"What kind of job?"

"Beggars and be choosers, Dear." She said with no hint of sweetness.

"But I feel sick, look (touching my face) I've got a temperature."

"Samantha, you will get up, go to work, get a pay check and move out of this house. If you think you will be a weight on our savings you are seriously mistaken." She said while going through my closet taking out some a white shirt, a black knee length shirt, black shoes, with gold buckles on them and a long burgundy cloak.

"Those are funeral clothes," I said dully.

"Oh, there's going to be a funeral if you don't get you arse out of bed..." _those were the last words my mother will ever say to me_, "...now get going."

_Boy is she going to be sorry_.

* * *

Author's Note: Same things apply, don't own anything.. All things you don't recognize from Dead like Me and Harry Potter series I guess are mine.

I was inspired by the new series, of the same name, on Showtime. I totally give all the credit to the show and whoever wrote the program, I love it! Well if any of you who read this and has seen the program, I take a lot of direct quotes, which is legal cause I'm giving them the credit. Also 'cause I can't quite write wit and sarcasm like that (well, I'm trying to write like that), plus I like the way it flows. All those who haven't seen Dead Like Me, its really good, I totally recommend it. Anyways, I combined it with Harry Potter and it seems like a good mix. Don't worry you'll see Harry Potter and the whole gang later on. Please stick around 'cause it'll get good.

Aurora Angel


	2. Aw Shit

Author's note: This is the chapter I've changed the most I incorporated HP characters in it and eventually will have a lot more, just bare with me. I just got to get all the intro stuff out of the way. K. Read another author's note at the bottom to clear some more stuff up.

This Story I think is going to be PG-13 I guess. Just to be on the safe side, mostly for language.

**I CLEANED UP THE GRAMMATICAL AND TYPING ERRORS IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY FOR THE INCOVIENCE.**

* * *

Dead Like Me 

"See all these scrolls," my new creepy co-worker Percy pointed to the endless rows of scrolls that were the Ministry's Records vault. He led me through to the back, me in my funeral robes and a shiny new pin that said _'Hello! I'm New, Ask me my Name'. _As we went he continued to give me useless facts and other things I didn't really hear.

"…and this is 'The Pit'. Get acquainted with it, 'cause you're going to spend a lot of time here." There where tons of rolls of parchment disheveled all over the place some in boxes some just lying on the floor.

"Hey, don't I know you?" Percy said.

"Maybe, I don't know?"

"Yeah, you went to Hogwarts, a year younger than me, right? In Ravenclaw, correct? You must have known my girlfriend, Penelope."

"Uh huh…" I eyed him suspiciously. He went on talking to me like I was friend for a good five minutes, saying how it's (Hogwarts just for your information) has gone down hill, and some more stuff about the Headmaster, but of course I wasn't listening.

"Anyway, so your job, if you choose to accept it, is to sift through all these rolls and file them over there," he pointed to the infinite number of rows of scrolls we passed earlier, "Oh, and also you will be getting memos; you know those paper airplane things, asking for specific rolls. You get them and deliver them to the person, understand."

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I said distractedly, still looking at the mountains of scrolls. "Wait, aren't you going to help?" I asked as he walked away.

"No," he said indignantly, "I have far more important things to attend to. I am after all the court scribe and personal assistant to the Minister of Magic." He said puffing out his chest. All I did was look after him as he turned as walked away swiftly.

_As the day progressed I suspected that Barbara Herbig, as in 'her big fat arse' was the devil, and this was hell. To spite the great hoofed one, I took every opportunity to shirk my duties. On my way back from one of those opportunities I got a stupid flying memo, oh how great, more work, what is this slave labor._

Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Stepping of the lift on the second level, with about ten large and heavy rolls of parchment in my hands (I didn't even bother with the magic to lighten them); I was bumped by a tall young wizard with dark messy hair with an older red-headed fellow hurrying off somewhere. I think he said sorry or something, who cares. I didn't really get a good look at him 'cause I dropped one roll and it fell through the grate of the Elevator. Shit.

_So this is Auror Headquarters, it's a bit of a let down if you ask me. I guess I was expecting more, maybe some torture devices and bad wizards hanging from the walls. I just guess those people are down deeper in the depths of the Ministry, we can only hope. _

"Just drop them there," some guy named Kingsley Slang-something-or-whatever said as I walked up to his desk.

"Hmm 'Kay." I placed them on his desk.

"Where are the other scrolls?" he asked looking through the rolls.

"What other scrolls?"

"The other ones I requested, the _Black_ Flagged cases." He said emphasizing Black.

"Uh, looked for them, couldn't find them," I said very fast.

"Well, scrolls just don't up and dissapperate, now do they."

"They do if you drop then down an elevator shaft," I mumbled.

"Is that a joke?" he lifted an eyebrow.

"I don't know-yeah-maybe" I stammered. "Look can I go now."

"Well, which lift?"

"The metal one," I said sarcastically. He just looked at me and I just turned and walked away.

_I was doomed to work in a lousy dead-end job for the rest of my life. I'm not being dramatic; it really will be the rest of my life, which only amounts for the next 30 minutes or so. Well back to the records room. _

_Will is filing never stop! I actually fell like I've been here for a year. Plus the wanker of a guy always looking at me, it's sick, honestly. Wherever I look he's always there._

"Just came back to check your work, How's it going?"

"Fine, I guess."

"Well it's your lunch hour; we'll see you back in 35."

"But if it's my lunch hour, why is it only 35 minutes?"

"Oh, a while ago they did a study, and it said that it only took 35 minutes to go out to lunch and eat it, so see you in 3-5." He said adjusting his glasses.

_

* * *

It was a beautiful mid-August day, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the NASA was de-orbiting parts of its space station. Evidently there was a miscalculation of the density of the ionosphere at the point of entry, or something like that. The whole thing was suppose to fall in the southern __Atlantic Ocean__ in the __Caribbean__, I think, but a few pieces made it all the way to the __UK, __London__ to be exact, including the seat of a zero-g toilet. Bloody Americans. Bloody Americans._

"Excuse me, do you have the time," a passerby asked, he was an older black gentleman with a kind face.

"Yeah its 10 after 1," _I said not really caring, all I was thinking I got 5 minutes to eat my stupid hotdog and 10 minutes to walk back to the Ministry. I decide to ditch the magical world and have a good old fashioned Muggle lunch. I hate lunch breaks, even though this was my first one, I still hate them. It's like tempting you with the end of the work day. But it's ruined 'cause you know you have to go back. _

"Thank you," he said with a smile. As I passed him to get on my way, the addressed me again, "So what is your name?"

"What," I said nonchalantly, and then I realized I was still wearing the pin. I said with a small smile, "oh… Sam."

"Middle name?"

"Sod off, arse wipe" I said turning back to him.

"Does it start with an L?" huh was all a though looking at him, then with a smile he said, "you better hurry Sam, you're going to be late."

_Huh… okay, man, the crackpots you met on the street. _

_They say your entire life flashes before your eyes before you die. Well that might be true if you terminally ill, or if your looking into the mouth of a dragon that's about to eat you, but if death sneaks up on you, the only thing you have time to think is…_ "Aw, Shit."

_The next thing I knew I was standing 10 feet from where I was originally, and where I use to be standing, was a large crater with smoke coming out of it. Just then some guy runs through me. What! Runs through me, and I rematerialize again. I walked a little way towards the large crater and saw one of my shoes covered with blood…_

"Hey dead girl!" I sort of heard through my freak out. That's Rube, he's undead.

_They say there's like five psychological stages of death, apparently this applies when you're already dead. _

_One Denial… _

"This isn't happening, this isn't real…"

"Yup, this is as real as it gets. You're dead." He said with a small smile.

"Bu--bu-but I-I didn't feel anything," tears coming to my eyes.

"That's because your soul was popped out before you died." Oh _and that's Misty, she undead too. Even through my current situation I could tell that she was vapid and shallow_. "We do it as a curtsey in violent deaths." She said in a prissy American accent.

"But-but I didn't want to die," _still crying, how pathetic._

"Well no one really does, except suicides, and they can get messy." Rube said making a squished face.

_Number two is anger…_

"I'm only eighteen, I'm too young to die, I haven't done anything; this isn't fair!" _Oh boo hoo hoo what an idiot_. "I want my life back!" I stared to yell.

"Well, sweetoe, it's not like you were doing anthing with it anyways," Misty said with a shrug.

"So what are you sniff angels or something?"

"No, ha ha no miss, you know the upper management types, don't like getting their hands dirty. We are, in pleasant company 'soul catchers', but otherwise know as Grim Reapers." _Uh...okay._

_Three bargaining…_

"Well can't you take someone else, an old person or something? Oh I saw some homeless person a little ways back, I won't tell, promise." It was worth a try.

They looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and said, "Okay."

"Really," my eyes widened.

"NO" she replied.

"ARRRRRHHHHHH! I want my life back!" I screamed, but to no avail.

_Sigh and then there's Depression…_

"This can't be happening," I said in a sad tone and a sigh, while I sat down on the low cement wall.

"I know what might cheer you up," Rube said sitting down next to me, "your autopsy."

_

* * *

There's something about seeing your body all empty and cold, or in bits and pieces in my case. Rube says, "It's like dropping a plate of warm Treacle Fudge on the dirt floor. As good as it might have been, you just don't want it any more.' It sounds a bit daft, but I sort of made me feel better. _

"Why are they doing an autopsy?" I asked looking at the gurney at which my body laid.

"They still have to identify the body," Misty said.

"How hard can that be?"

"Well you were hit by an object traveling two hundred miles an hour, surface temperature exceeding 1500 degrees Fahrenheit, do the math."

_I don't know what was more disturbing, me being dead, or the fact that the first guy to touch my naked body was a coroner._

"Well it's not like I'm not having just the grandest time, but shouldn't we be going?"

"What you got some place to be?"

"I don't know, should it?"

"Well, you have to stick around until your body has been laid to rest."

"In bloody mince meat in a bag, how much more rest do it need?" I said sarcastically.

"That's not important. What's important is that you say a proper goodbye to this life before you can go on to the next one."

"What, am I being reincarnated or something?" again with the sarcasm

He walked over to me and leaned down close to my face, "Don't be an ass."

* * *

Disclaimer: Same things apply, don't own anything.. All things you don't recognize from Dead like Me and Harry Potter series I guess are mine. 

Author's Note: If some of you haven't guessed, the beginning of the story coincides with beginning of The Order of the Phoenix. But it probably not include much stuff from the book. I haven't written those parts yet. I'm open for criticism and helpful hints and thing you might like to see in the story.

Anything else … Oh! Please review and tell me what you think.

Next chapter: Sam's funeral and the Big Surprise.

Aurora Angel


	3. It's A Destiny Thing

_Dead Like Me Ch. 3_

They always say the same shit at funerals. They talk about how sweet you were, how full of life you were and how it was your time to go, and how you can't question fate. They never say anything bad, you could be the biggest chunk of crap in a dungbomb, and you'll still come out smelling like a rose.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, she was so full of life, what a shame," some guy hugged her and gave his condolences to my mum. As she walked away to check on the food table, she noticed a sponge cake that someone had brought she ran over there mumbling _'take that out, take that out!'_ She picked up the pan like it was going to explode and dumped the perfectly good cake in the garbage bin.

"Misty, she just loves funerals, you'd think she never be to one before," Rube said as we sat on the couch. We watched as Misty swerved through the crowed room at my house, with a plate of food in her hand.

"I'm so sorry for you loss," she said and hug my dad while eating behind his back.

Just then some guy I didn't even know when I was living sat on me and I faded into wispy vapor.

"Excuse me, this seat is taken," Rube said to the guy and he got up. I rematerialized to my regular form again.

"How come they can see you, but they can't see me?"

"Well, Kitten, you're dead,"

"So are you." I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Bit you tongue," he said sort of scolding me. "I'll have you know, I'm undead."

"What's the difference?" I said in my usual flat laconic voice.

"Well as an undead person, I have certain rights and privileges. See I have a physical body, I can enjoy this delicious pumpkin pie, and you can't. And if I so choose, I can interact with the living, observe, 'Good day to you, Sir.'" Rube said to a passerby. The man walking past tilted his head and said 'good day'. "And you can't do that."

"Well that just sucks."

"Sure to you dead types."

"So, seeing that you can talk to the living, can't you tell them I'm okay?"

"Oh yeah," he said sarcastically, "why doing you tell them yourself, I'll help you I can make wind sounds, and rattle some chains for you." He blew in my face showing how he can make wind sounds.

_I kept watching the people come and go. My dad was one of them getting a bit friendly with one of the mourners (male by the way). Is a hug between two men suppose to be that touchy feely? Hmmmm... _

_It's surprising how many friends you have after you die. As I walked around, I caught bits of conversations happening around me. Half of these people I didn't even know, but they were crying like I was their long lost child or something. It's also interesting to see the people you've know all your life from this point of view. _

_But the most surprising thing was that my school Headmaster and my Head of House was there. There they were, Professor Dumbledore and Professor Flitwick, even Professor McGonagall, talking to my mum. _

''I am very sorry for your loss Sarah, she was always such a lovely student," Professor Dumbledore said patting her on the shoulder. ''It is such a shame to lose such a bright girl and such an interesting accident. A falling toilet seat" _The last part didn't make my mum feel any better. She just gave him her world famous annoyed stare; I think she kind of forgot who he was for a moment there. Well anyways, he didn't notice it 'because he was helping himself to the refreshments. _

''If onlyI could have prepared her more, or did something more. I don't know maybe this wouldn't have happened." Professor Flitwick said in his squeaky voice wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. _Wow, I didn't know I was that special to have the Honor of having them at my funeral. Kinda makes me wish I hadn't taken them for granted when I was alive. _

"Don't say that, Filius, some things just happen for a reason." McGonagall reassured him. ''There's nothing you could have done to prevent this tragedy."

"But, she was so spunky and full of life," _Flitwick said shaking his head; they both took drinks out of their goblets. Are you sure their thinking of the right person cause spunky and full of life would not be ways to describe me. _

_I moved on, still walking around aimlessly, when I noticed Em. I really hadn't noticed her a lot when I was alive, but now she was the only thing I could think of. I looked like she was talking this very hard; off in the corner by herself, well like usual. I followed her to my old bedroom; everything was just as I was, a disheveled mess, the way I left it when I was hurrying to my first day of work. _

_I left her and made my way to the kitchen, where my mum was cleaning up. As I walked through the door I noticed that the door swayed a little, I guess I have she effect on the living world. I also noticed on the punchboard, there were pinned articles of my unusual death from the Daily Prophet, which were moving of course, my picture giving a very dull, apathetic smile. I can see the irony of this whole incident, you know, a witch being killed by a stupid muggle contraption. I mean magical people have toilet seats and all, but not in space, I think we don't want to think about those types of things. _

_There was a chalkboard, what my mum uses to write down the grocery list, seeing that I could affect solid objects somewhat; I decide to leave her a note. My mum looked up to see the piece of chalk moving as I wrote, leaving the word 'Moist', in my distinct handwriting. _

* * *

"So what's next, on word and upward?" I said sitting outside my house. 

"Onward, not upward. Nope no pearly gates for you, no chorus of angels neither."

"What! You're sending me to hell! You dick!"

"Don't flatter yourself, you're not that interesting." He said in a flat tone.

"Well!" Getting more annoyed by the minute.

"You my fine dead girl are going to be a reaper." _Huh_...

* * *

"Hundreds and thousands of people die everyday. Bodies are easy, light and match, dig a ditch. But where do the souls go, who takes care of them after the ditch the fleshy parts." We were in a little restaurant called 'Der Waffle Haus' which was open all night. 

"That's where we come in." Rube joined in.

"After that their in our custody until they reach their finial destination" she said in a ditsy manor.

"I would assume that would be Heaven?"

"Don't know?"

"Well whatever it is I hope it's not all Gody like the bible that would just be boring."

"So you're saying there is a God, or higher being, or whatever?"

"What do you think?" he answered in a tough-love kind of way.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked.

"Steak and eggs, steak medium rare, eggs over easy, pancakes extra butter, side of bacon extra extra extra crispy, drink pumpkin juice,"

"What juice?" she looked confused.

"Oh. Orange juice."

"And you?" she said to Misty.

"Oh, I'm not staying. I have an appointment down town. I hope it's not another dead prostitute."

"And you miss?" she looked at me, and of course, being invisible, I ignored her. "Uh...Miss?"

"What! Err...you" _I wasn't really paying attention; well can you blame me this is a lot to take in_. Looking at Rube, "She can see me, but you said no one could see me."

"Of course she can, now that you've joined the ranks of the undead, now order before she thinks your retarded."

"Err...I'll have what he's having,"

"Yeah, uh huh." That's all she replied, maybe she thought all of us were a bit retarded."

''Okay, okay," I said with my fingers on my temples, ''Why, is this happening to me?"

''Well," Rube explained, ''you filled someone's quota."

"So...that would mean?"

"Every reaper is given a specific number of souls to get, this number it predetermined. You only know how many when you've nabbed the last one."

"Do you remember the weird guy that asked you your name right before you got pancaked by that toilet seat?" Misty asked.

"Yeah, so."

"So, you where his last one, which means he gets a promotion, marvelous benefits package, and now you take his place." Misty said with a little envy.

"Good riddance, he was just a pain in the arse," Rube said shaking his head.

'You know," nonchalantly pointing her finger, "it's like being the millionth customer served, but without the whole shopping spree." She shrugged her shoulders.

"You should have told me," looking at Rube.

"Well pardon my sabra faire, but death is traumatic enough without adding to it."

"Oh don't go getting your knickers in a knot, it's a destiny thing, enjoy it." She said with a wink and got up to leave.

_They kept using the words destiny and fate, the word choice was never mentioned, because I didn't have one. _

"Okay, well, Bye. Oh and congratulations." She turned and left, just as my lovely food came.

_And just like that I became a grim reaper swear to Merlin._

_I was born again, but not like in a creepy religious way or the dark magic 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' way. All around me was a bright shiny new world... _

_And Death was everywhere..._

* * *

Author's Note: Same things apply, don't own anything. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. All things you don't recognize from Dead like Me and Harry Potter series I guess are mine. Sorry to all those people that have been reading my story, I haven't updated my fic in a while. I've been busy and I'm getting ready to go back to college and stuff.

Narration is in Italics.

--- Emotions, gestures, etc.

Next chapter: On the Job and Gravelings.

Anything else ... Oh! Please review and tell me what you think. Pleeezeee...

**I CLEANED UP THE GRAMMATICAL AND TYPING ERRORS IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY FOR THE INCOVIENCE.**

Aurora Angel


	4. Reaper Divisions Intro

Hello out there! I'm finally back. Here's just a little teaser to the next chapter. Just got to finish some tweaks to the chapter. It'll be out soon…

* * *

Infectious and Parasitic Disease…………Circulatory System Disease………… Malignant Neoplasm (Cancer)………… 

Those where the big three, the leading causes of death world wide, whether magical or muggle. But that wasn't my problem. You see, Grim Reapers are assigned to different divisions and mine so happened to be External Influence, which means,

Murders………… Suicides………… Accidents……… etc. and I do mean etc.

Oh but it doesn't stop there, oh no, there is more. Seeing to my special circumstances, all the people in my division are...err well, use to be wizards and witches. So we also deal with Magical Influences in said areas. Twice the work; half the calories.

So if some dumb Muggle just so happens to find himself/herself in the middle of a Wizard's Duel, that's where we come in. Or if the duelers happen to die during the duel, us again. Or if some freak accident like a toilet seat happens to fall on all their heads…well you see my point.

* * *

I thought I'd tell you about the reaper department Sam will be working in. It incorporates both the Harry Potter Universe and the Dead Like Me Universe. Don't worry there will start to be more deaths. Byee. 


	5. Reaper Divisions

Dead Like Me - Chapter 4-

_So here it is the first day of my new life…err...afterlife or pre-afterlife, oh who gives a bloody hell. The past couple hours have made my brain begin to swoosh. Way too much information in so little time? Walking down the street in Muggle London, we meet some other fellow reapers. There's Roxy, the only muggle on our little reaper squad. But don't put that against her, she could kick you arse barehanded. Each reaper has his or her own style; you know the personal touches that make each death so special. Most are civilized and take the soul before hand, Rube had explained to me, but didn't care much about that. She didn't give a rat's arse; it was just another day on the job for her. So I'm guessing she was on the first job of the day. Here's the scenario, piano, 30 feet in the air, people down below, hmmm, doesn't anyone ever watch the Tom and Jerry cartoons? Do I actually have to say what happens next? Let's move on. _

"Bit late huh?" he said to her as we passed.

"Mornin' to you too." Roxy said, sounding annoyed.

"You don't just wait for the pianos' or toilet seats' to drop, in polite society you'd take their soul at the corner and let them die with a little dignity." He said as we walked.

"So do you all get off dropping pianos on people, is it like a fetish or something?" I said looking back at the accident scene. I noticed some sort of shadow or misty vapor creature thingy climbing up the rope the piano was on.

''It's not our job to drop the pianos and toilet seats."

''Then who's job is it?"

''Gravelings," he stated solemnly.

"Uh huh, and can you see these _Gravelings_?"

"Err…well their invisible, well when you looking right at them anyway. But sometimes when something has happened or is about to happen, out of the corner of you eye you may catch a glimpse of them. Just don't freak out."

"But they're real?" _I do remember taking DADA and Care of Magical Creatures, and in either of those classes did they mention gravelings, although they did resemble those grindylows or something like that._

"Yeah," he looked at me sincerely, "they set things in motion, they make the accidents happen."

"They kill people," I said more as a matter of fact than a question.

"I'm afraid so, they're the ones that maintain the balance. You know; life and death, ying and yang, they have to exist in perfect harmony, or else things get out of hand and that ain't pretty."

* * *

As we walked down the street, I noticed we were headed toward the entrance to the Ministry of Magic. 

"What the hell are we doing here?" I questioned in a loud voice.

"You'll find out in a minute, hold your horses," Rube said. We reached the dilapidated phone booth which we entered.

"_Welcome to the Ministry of Magic," _a choice said after Rube punched in some numbers,_ "Please state the purpose of visit."_

"For an Apparation Test." The booth shuttered and began to sink into the street. As we descended we heard the female voice again, _"After passing the Atruim, proceed to the Third floor and down the hall, third door on the left, 'Have a Magical Day'."_

Once we finally reached the Apparation Test center. Rube walked right up to one of the attendants and spoke to him.

"Fresh off the boat," he said to a fat older man with a balding head who just nodded his head, grunted_ uh-huh_ and walked away to get something.

"So do I get a wand, I mean my parents kind of have my old one." I asked him looking around at all the witches and wizards.

"Do you have money to buy one?"

"No,'' I answered.

"Well, then you don't get one." He said in a tough love kind of way as the man came back with some papers. He looked around to see if anyone was looking and motioned for us to come closer.

"Amelia Haggard"

"Who's Amelia?"

"You are, according to these papers." The man said, "Apparation license, Birth Certificate, National Security Numbers." He gave me all the papers.

"Have a look at this," he said motioning me to come a little closer and showing me a post-it note, it read-

A.R. Dippet

ETD: AUG 21 1959

9:15 AM

I gave him a questioning stare, "So?"

"A.R. Dippet? You know, one of the most famous Headmaster's of Hogwarts…"

"So?"

"Always showing off, put that away," Rube said looking around making sure no one saw. "He's in the Potions/Neoplasms Division. Been busy I see."

"Yeah, well," he said with a shrug, he turned back to me, "on my breaks and lunch I go to St. Mungo's and the Muggle Hospital down the street."

"Okay, well …er… nice to meet you," I said to him and started to leave with Rube, that guy was starting to give me the creeps.

* * *

We walked down another busy street and I noticed some tall skinny white bloke practically dragging two rough looking wizards in full on Wizard's gear in broad daylight. 

''Ah, what's happening mate?" Rube said.

_And then there's Tyson. Tyson Tyson. Tyson_.

"Hey man," Tyson said to Rube.

"Man does this bloke have to stop and talk to every person that comes by…" one of the wizards said looking annoyed.

"Shhhh," was all Tyson said with a small smile.

"Why'd you go and _Shhhh _me, that's rude," he said again.

"Have some respect for the dead, buddy," the tall wizard said in a ragged voice.

He pulled them close, ''You two just murdered each other in a dark wizard's duel. So you two don't deserve my respect, hence _Shhhh_!" he turned back to Rube.

"This is Tyson, Tyson, meet Sam."

"Yeah, I remember you. Toilet Seat Girl."

''See, look Kitten, you got yourself a nickname," Rube said in a semi-sweet mocking tone. ''Toilet seat girl needs to find place to stay, you know of any vacancies?''

''I know this one flat in Notting Hill. Don't know if it's still available?" Tyson said with a shrug.

"K you take her there, I'll take these two. You go with the nice man, kitten, you're sweet but a bit tiring. Tyson why don't you show her around, take her to your 3 o'clock, she needs to clock some observation time."

* * *

"…this businessman died recently and left this apartment, it's paid from a Swiss bank account." 

"So nobody's going to be coming here, that's odd."

"Well, if someone does comes calling about this place, just walk away, if they bring guns, run away."

"Guns? … So, we're squatters," I said as Tyson picked the lock to a flat in a very posh area.

"Yep," he said as the lock clicked and the door swung open.

"I would think that we'd get public housing, I mean we _are_ doing a public service," I said looking around the flat. I was very lovely, very modern, huge picture windows; look out from a fifth story. The lovely furniture, the _dead bodies_…

"Holy Merlin!"

"What?"

"Holy Merlin!"

"Calm down, What?"

"HOLY MERLIN! Those are dead bodies!"

"No shit," he said with mild interest.

"I can't live with dead people!" he just smiled.

"Don't worry, this looks like a professional job, these bodies will probably disappear within a couple days. See," he pointed to the three bodies laying on the floor, "execution, execution, execution," looking at the man halfway on the counter, next to what looked like his teeth and a wrench, "and this bloke was tortured."

"Okay," I said still unconvinced. "Uh… do I get keys?" I asked.

"If you can find then, look the businessman is over there, try his pocket." He pointed to the dead old bloke, next to bloody pliers and teeth on the counter.

_I reluctantly stuck my hand down his pants. His pocket! No were else, you guys are sick, if you thought different._

"It's not there. What are you doing?" I saw Tyson bending down and taking the dead people's wallets.

"Collecting my salary. Remember, leave the cards, cash and gold is king."

"But isn't that tacky, you know, stealing from dead people?"

"Well, they won't be using it anytime soon;" _I guess he thinks it's a victimless crime, like the people who have sex with corpses_. "It's either this or get a day job."

"WHAT! We don't get paid by proper channels?"

"Nope."

"Hello All," Misty said entering the room, "What ya'll doing here?"

"Looking for keys," I said.

"Oh, I've got them; I claimed this place a full 2 hours ago."

"You got a place." Tyson said.

"Had a place, probate is over, my real estate agent asked me to leave. It was all very civil."

"Well, Shit, now I have to find another place for her to say," Tyson said.

''Well can I just couch surf with one of you guys for a couple of days?" I asked.

"Well, that's the problem; it's never just a couple of days." Misty said messing with one of the dead lady's shoes.

"Two days become a week, a week becomes a month, we don't know anything about you…" Tyson added

"I mean, you could be a crazy person and here we be just inviting you in our homes. You understand our position." Misty added, "but i do have some friends in Circulatory System Disease that give me the skinny on vaciancies in their departament. Normally, i don't share such valuable infor, but i like you Toilet Seat, you have moxie. I'll let you know."

* * *

Misty had to leave for an appointment leaving me without a place to stay, but before she left she treated us to an ice cream. I had chocolate-chocolate something, and Tyson had vanilla. On anyone else, I would find this suspicious, but on him it was endearing. 

"Oui, look, this is what we look like to the living." He said pointing to or store window that had cameras in it. _The Muggle Video Camera was pointing at us and the people who looked back were completely different._

"Who decides what we look like?"I asked.

"I don't know? Maybe this is what our inner child looks like when it grows up."

_If that was the case it looks like my inner child's road to adulthood was paved with crack cocaine two quid blow jobs, and maybe a trick baby or two. _

"Do you think she looks pretty," I tilt my head and see the stranger that was my reflection copy me.

"You're much prettier," He says. At this, any normal girl would smile pretty, flirt and giggle, but all I say is, "Whatever."

On our way to Tyson's appointment we passed by a small park.

"Hey", I said putting a hand on Tyson's arm, "that guy is waving."

"Oh yeah," he said waving back, "Plague boys, been out of work 600 years. Poor blokes."

"So they took souls of people who died in the plague or of the plague or whatever?"

"Uh huh. But you know what, people aren't dieing of the plague anymore, Look at them, bored out of the skulls… Good luck filling that quota guys." He said waving again. "Ohh, sausage!" he said out of no where and walked toward the stand. "Want one?"

"Err, that was kinda my last meal. I'm not sure how I feel about them now."

_I looked back to the other reapers who were looking at a squirrel that was moving closer to some people picnicking._

"How come their plague and we're not?" I asked.

"Well, reap what you sow…They died of the plague or in the plague or whatever," he said mimicking me, "and you didn't. I know a lot of good people in neoplasms. What happens to them if someone goes and cures cancer?"

"I'm sure something else will come up, like Ebola." He just looked at me again. "So are they going to kill that squirrel?"

"No," he shook his head, "they live for the off chance someone might get bitten. Squirrels carry the plague, you know."

_After leaving the park we finally made it a little pub i recognized called the Leaky Cauldron which was the gate way to Diagon Alley. I guess Tyson's 3 o'clock is a wizarding reap. _

_

* * *

_

* * *

Author's Note: Same things apply, don't own anything.. All things you don't recognize from Dead like Me and Harry Potter series I guess are mine.

Next chapter : Day on the job and first reap.

Aurora Angel


	6. First Day on the Job

**I desided to update my story in celebration of DEAD LIKE ME comming to the Scifi channel starting tonight 7-18-06! Yeah, at least its back on the air! If only there were new episodes...**

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Ch 5: (Part 1)

"We're here, my 3:00." He said as we entered Gringotts Wizard Bank in Diagon Alley. "Some reapers believe your appointment with death is on the books even before you are born."

"What if they don't make the appointment?"

He scoffs," How should I know that one…All, I'm saying is we must be as the fly upon the wall, observe don't interact. If you start messing about and moving shit, you might change the outcome of events." We sat down on the couch in the back, watching the normal events of the day. "We look for high risk factors, see those people behind the desk, they look miserable, this could be a shooting by a disgruntled employee."

"So what kind of information do we have on the person that's going to die?"

"Well, not very much, just name, location and ETD."

"What's ETD? Sounds like a disease?"

"It's Estimated Time of Death." He said showing me the note. It said B.M. W---. He's thumb was covering the rest of the last name

"So is our B.A.W-- he or a she?"

"I don't know."

"You kidding?"

"No, we get Name, Address and ETD."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heads and on a post it note. How Rude."

"The less we know the better."

"How you figure that?"

"Because it keeps it clean." He leaned towards me. "It's a whole lot easier not to give a shit when you know nothing about them."

_Out of the corner of my eye I was movement and when I focused on it, I saw that it was a graveling scurrying away from a large chandelier hanging over head. _

"Ah, a slight clue."

"Huh?"

"Graveling in the bank lobby with a Chandelier."

"Alright, it could be a Graveling, it could be murder, or it could be suicide."

"It's the Chandelier. Graveling-Chandelier."

"Okay let's say it is a graveling, but the chandelier is a bit too obvious."

"I was them drop a piano on a lady; I don't think their trying to score points on originality."

"It's not the chandelier," I said imitating him, "then go stand under it." He just looked at me, "Okay, I'll do it."

"Alright, let's entertain the possibility it's the chandelier, now just sit back down." He said in a forced way.

"That's what I thought you were going to say."

_So I was as the fly upon the wall. I observed and didn't interact. And in my observations I heard lots of B names being bandied about in office gossip, but were any of them B.A.W.'s. _

_There was Berdock the embezzling Goblin bank manager._

_Belinda the Hag office slut._

_Braddock the philandering loan officer…_

_And Bridget his adoring wife._

_But there was one more B name they weren't gossiping about._

_Brett the hapless bank robber._

_

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_

Authors Note: That's all for now, i was in a hurry to get this part up that i haven't finished the other half. sorry.


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